An Uphill Battle

Positivity ain't easy!  You'd think it would be but for some strange reason it's not.

Right now I am struggling.  Despite relishing in my ah-ha moments yesterday, I am really struggling.

At the moment, my life is far from what I want it to be and to put it bluntly, it sucks.  Not being where you want to be in life is a miserable feeling.  I know that I am the only one who can change it and I have been working on it (see my other blog) but it's not there yet and won't be for a while.  I am unhappy and what do I do when I am unhappy?  I eat.  Surgery or not.  I eat.

To make matters worse, I am currently working in my parents' bakery.  Yes, you read that right, BAKERY.  Needless to say, it's not the ideal place for someone like myself to be spend 40 hours a week.  There are goodies all around.  Some days I am really good and don't touch a thing.  Other days, like today, I am constantly munching on a cookie here, cupcake there and before I know it, I have probably consumed 5 times what I should have for the day.  Then I begin my lovely shame cycle.

I know that eating is my coping mechanism.  I get that.  I also know that while at some point it was beneficial to me, it no longer is.  I am trying to figure out just how to love myself enough to get to the point where I can cope without turning to food.  So far, it seems rather elusive.  I know what I need to do but still I struggle.

So this was one of my forewarned woe-is-me blogs because today I am struggling...