Wednesday, June 16, 2010

My Philosophy (ies)

In my last post I mentioned being 100-some pounds lighter.  I don't know my exact weight loss for a number of reasons but I am honestly happy to keep it that way as it fits my philosophy for this whole journey.

It all starts with the simple and true fact that I am an addict.  I am a food-addict.  My surgery cannot and will not change this fact; this is something I have to deal with no matter the size of my pouch or rerouting of my innards.  As part of this battle, I often find myself becoming obsessed with food and then on the flip side, weight loss.  So, to help combat my tendency towards obsession, I don't track.  I don't count calories.  I don't count fat, sugar, or protein.  I don't journal. I don't obsess (or so that's the goal).

This all actually started with my surgeon.  While my WLS office does weigh me, they do not encourage their patients to count calories.  They believe, as do I, that this journey should not be treated as a diet where one must track and journal and watch everything like a hawk.  Instead it is about learning to listen to your body, not you emotions or your mind, but your body.  To listen to your body you have to learn how to trust it.  I trust it by eating until I feel satisfied (not FULL).  With an itty-bitty stomach, this is not nearly as hard to do as it was before surgery.

I try to make healthy food choices and do watch (not count) my protein and sugar intakes.  Again, this is something in which my body will let me know when I've gone off track.  While I don't dump per say, I do get gnarly headaches when I eat more sugar then I should.  And the protein?  I get light-headed and dizzy when my protein intake dips too low.  My body knows what I need and so I try to listen to her.  She really does have my best interest at heart.

So back to my poundage.  In the beginning of this journey I did count the pounds.  I mean let's be honest when you are dropping that quickly after many years of the scale going up, it can be a total rush to watch the numbers plummet like a lead balloon.  But, then you start to plateau and you find yourself playing the old head games with yourself and so I stopped.  I stopped worrying about the scale and haven't looked back.  Every once in a while I will step on the scale just to get an idea but I do not and will not let myself become a scale whore ever again.

I now base my progress on the real stuff, on the stuff that really matters, the stuff that was my motivation for all of this in the first place.  I base it on how I feel in my own lovely skin (flabby as it may be).  I base it on the fact that I am now comfortable in skirts, as my thighs no longer rub and chaff. I base it on the fact that clothes that once were impossible to get into are now actually TOO BIG!  I base it on the fact that I spent 3 weeks traveling in the UK and was able to see and do all I wanted to without feeling sore, uncomfortable, achy, or anything but ready for the next day of adventure.  I base it on the fact that I take my pup for a one-mile walk on a whim without batting an eye.  I base it on the fact that I have yet to hit a wall when swimming laps in the pool, I stop because I have run out of time, not because I can't possibly go any further.  I base it on the true and simple fact that I feel better and healthier then I ever have before.

I do still struggle, don’t get me wrong. I make unhealthy food choices.  I push my pouch just a little too far.  I get lazy and don’t move (remember I don’t exercise – I move).  But, I am slowly learning something about this whole thing: guilt and shame over bad choices, pounds gained, lazy days, and simple lack of effort will only perpetuate the cycle.  Being loving and kind with myself is when I am most apt to shine.  When I am not doing all this because I “have” to but rather because I want to, I start to feel better all around.  I forgive the bumps in the road and look at the whole picture and realize how far I have come and that is nothing to be ashamed of!


*Disclosure: Despite all this, I still reserve the right to have down days and woe-is-me blog posts but this is ultimately what I am striving for every day!

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